7:24pm, 4 August 1961, a grand conspiracy is put into effect. A child is born in Kenya, 
but his parents place the birth announcement, as noted journalist Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz put it on his Daily Show, 22 July 2010, “in one of our fringe states’ local newspapers… your Hawaiis, your Alaskas, your Pennsylvanias. You heard me. And then…” they wait… “until this baby is a middle-aged man. Now the trap is set. [They] just [sit] back and let that child go out and win the election for president of the United States.”
But, during the Presidential Primaries in 2008, rumors of the truth begin to circulate, subversive emails calling for us to stop this usurper from coming to power.
This usurper’s name: Barry Soetoro… you might know him better under his conspiratorial alias, Barack Hussein Obama II. A Los Angeles Times op-ed, “Behind the ‘Birther’ Blather,” this past Wednesday, 16 February 2011, cited a PPP poll that “found that 51% of likely Republican primary voters believe that Obama was born outside the United States.” And, 11 states’ legislatures have introduced “birther” bills to challenge Barry’s eligibility in 2012. But, despite even these official attacks on his citizenship, he is still our President.
Today, I will explain how this Kenyan boy has pulled the wool over our eyes, I will show you how we can join the Birther Movement in applying the constitution to get him out of office, and then I will show you the implications of all this.
First, an explanation:
Here is Barry’s real Birth Certificate:
Nevermind that Mombasa was part of Zanzibar at the time, not ceded to Kenya until December 1963. Nevermind that Kenya was not the “Republic of Kenya” until December 1964. And, nevermind, of course, that this document, submitted as evidence by Dr Orly Taitz—orlytaitzesq.com, the “World’s Leading Obama Eligibility Challenge Web Site”—was pronounced a forgery of this Australian document.
Oh, and nevermind the name, Barack Hussein II. As I’ll show you in a moment, his stepfather, Lolo Soetoro filled out an Indonesian school application with the boy’s real name.
But, first, here is Barry’s real Birth Certificate:
Again, ignore the name. And, ignore the fact that, yeah, Mombasa wasn’t part of the British Protectorate of Kenya for another two years. Look at the footprint—it’s black—this is clearly the Birth Certificate for our usurper President.
Now, if you saw the Associated Press’ article “Final Nail in Obama’s Lack of US Citizenship Coffin,” 1 April 2009 (which they conveniently emailed rather than bother publishing), you know that Americans for Freedom of Information released Barry’s transcripts from Occidental College, where he received financial aid as a foreign student from Indonesia. Americans for Freedom of Information’s website, amfoi.wordpress.com, points out that the organization “is a completely fake organization that recommends hypotheticality to anyone looking to avoid the IRS,” but, if it shows up in one’s inbox, it has to be true.
And, here’s all the proof we need:
Note the name at the top, Barry Soetoro… ignore, of course, the listed birthplace of Honolulu. The key here is we all know that filling out a school application has legal auhority over any… birth certificate, no matter how many birth certificates one has.
But, what does all this matter, as long as Barry won the election? Here’s the thing. In this country we have a Constitution. It’s this long boring document that lays out how our government works and what it takes to be President. Now, while it doesn’t specifically rule out Kenyan “slash” Indonesian boys who may or may not be Muslim (Hussein… really? It’s like they wanted us to suspect him of something.) and may or may not be black, depending on the racial math one uses, Article I does say that only a natural born citizen can be President. And, this is where the Birther Movement gains the higher ground…
See, according to attorney Mario Apuzzo—who because of similarities to a certain author’s name, I will hereafter call the Godfather—in his essay entitled, “The Framers Used Emer de Vattel to Define a Natural Born Citizen,” Before It’s News, 2 November 2010, the framers used Emer de Vattel to define a natural born citizen… the essay title kinda nailed it. Anyway, as the Godfather points out, de Vattel defined a natural born citizen as “those born in the country, of parents who are citizens” in the Law of Nations, Book 1 Chapter 19 Section 212. De Vattel further suggests that if one is born of a foreign father, then his birth country “will be only the place of his birth, and not his country.” He mentions only two paragraphs later, section 214 that “there are states, as, for instance, England”—where we got our common law, I would add—“where the single circumstance of being born in the country naturalizes the children of a foreigner.”
But, nevermind that last part. Since Vattel wrote that first part before the framers used the phrase natural born citizen, and an English translation of his French book was not available at the time, they had to have been copying him. Besides, if a law existed before our Constitution, we have to follow it. Why write a Constitution if not to ignore it whenever we find something that predates it?
So, let’s say, for argument’s sake, all these birth certificates are fake—well not this one:
For argument’s sake, let’s say Barry was born in Hawaii. His father was a British subject, born in Kenya, so by de Vattel’s standard, Barry might qualify as a 14th Amendment citizen of these United States, but not as a natural born citizen, so not Constitutionally eligible for the position he has usurped.
There are two obvious implications to all this:
First, we have a foreign president who has taken office without constitutional right to do so. And, this from a grand conspiracy to—if you listen to Glenn Beck, who did a whole week-long exposé on his hard-hitting news program this past November—destroy America from within… see George Soros and his Shadow Party are using the Cult of Obama to, achieve some sort of, um, socialist, Marxist, Jewish, fascist, communist, Muslim plot—the one started back in ’61 when Barry’s parents signed their newborn up for his future presidency and maybe even Antichrist-ed-ness… It’s a word.
As Joy Tiz put it in “George Soros: International Man of Misery,” Canada Free Press, 18 February 2009: “it’s important to understand that George Soros doesn’t want to ‘change’ America. He wants to destroy it.” A nefarious conspiracy by Kenyans, Indonesians, Muslims, Jews to take down America, begun with a simple newspaper announcement and compounded with fake birth certificate after fake birth certificate. Here, by the way, is the real one…
…nothing suspicious there.
Strangely, the second implication is even scarier. For you see, if Barry was born in Hawaii, if Soros isn’t trying to destroy America, then there is something wrong with all of us that allows for ideas like this to keep going. Brian Montopoli points out, in “Who Are the Birthers?,” CBS News, 23 July 2009: “conspiracy theories often flourish in the wake of traumatic or game-changing events—the September 11 attacks, the moon landing, the Kennedy assassination—and the election of America’s first black president has been no exception. Almost as soon as Barack Obama emerged as a serious candidate for the presidency, rumors about whether or not he is really an American began popping up online.”
The question we have to ask: does our kneejerk reaction stem from racism, from some Cold War remnant fear of socialism, or are we all simply so insane that when something happens we don’t like, there has to be a conspiracy? Montopoli quotes Michael Barkun, expert in conspiracy theories, saying, “there are people who firmly believe that the truth is always hidden, that whatever is presented as public knowledge is necessarily false.” He says, “conspiracy theories are [actually] comforting. They give us a feeling that we have secret knowledge, we know how the world really works.” Of course, they also make us believe some crazy stuff; according to an Onion poll, 22 September 2010, one in five Americans believe Barack Obama is a cactus.
Today, we’ve seen how the facts, or lies, of Obama’s birth have lingered, we’ve seen that the Godfather may have a point and there may legitimately be some constitutional issues involved, and we’ve seen the implications of this conspiracy… even if it is just a crazy theory. While even MSNBC’s Chris Matthews called for Obama’s birth certificate, 27 December 2010, Dr Chiyome Fukino, director of the Hawaii State Department of Health confirmed in USA Today, 28 July 2009, that she has “seen the original vital records maintained on file… verifying Barack Hussein Obama was born in Hawaii.” Then again, Fukino’s last name, transliterated back into the original Hawaiian is… Fuck if I know.
The point is: no Kenyan boy can pull the wool over our eyes if we are onto his plan… unless, we are all so stressed by the economy, so damaged by the shadow of 9/11 and wars abroad, by Jersey Shore, by partisan politics throwing the blame around like a hot potato, that we don’t know how to see what’s real. Maybe we can only see, not what we want to see, but whatever illusion best fits a world so out of our control that it’s easier to believe that a socialist conspiracy has put a foreign usurper in the Oval Office than it is to accept that maybe America just isn’t on top anymore.
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